dreamzLand : Mar 17, 2005

I had a dream… of a child beaning slapped on the head area…. which gives me a flash back ofm y past… however, this is in the scene of a public place… at a train station… however, has yet to happen. This time round, I am at the age of what i am now, and, i was out with dad, aunt and a relative’s kid. The boy was misbehaving him self, and well, dad got so furious, he scolded the boy and almost hit him… but well, i stopped him from doing so… and just use my justifications on him…

well, he wanted to hit me, but i used my strength to hold him back… it gives me a flashback in my childhood days… where i was beaten when i misbehaved in school or at home… that has well, all been in the past… dun wish to think about it… though, i have to say… things has changed… everyone at home knows his temper and well, i have grown out of this phase of beatings… however, it still leaves a shadow of hatred in me… which will never really fade off… which is why, sometimes when i go out with friends, i tend to look at the time, and want to go home soo, especially late at night… coz i am scared, i will lose the freedom… and the possibility of the punishments of the yesterday… which, i don’t think will ever happen… yet there is always a fear factor…

whatever, has been done in the past is done… i choose not to remember them, yet they come back to haunt me… i choose to forgive… yet, they do not let me forgive the past… why? why? I wonder… do i care? I don’t… do i hate my dad… sometimes… now i still hate my parents sometimes… for the past… though now, i still talk to them…, over the years… the bond is getting stronger… yet… still weak…


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