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reflections: CNY + relationships

had a chat with a friend whom i would meet once a while for tea session. It was CNY eve, so i met him for a short while as i had to do some banking errands. So we sat down and talked for a while. During the conversation, i talked about the 4.5 years relationship i went through. While in the conversation, i learn that. To a certain extend, what Geno said was very true about myself. I had perhaps “used” people without knowing it due to my sub-conscious. The past 3 relationships during the 7 years of my life was all about getting things i wanted, not so much of caring for the ones who loved me dearly.

How it all ended was perhaps even more so due to the fact that i could sense they were tired, depress and did not want to continue. The emotional and financial distress they faced were the factors that cause the end to the relationship. The 3rd had the worst felt, while the 2nd was because he has to go overseas to study and we broke off silently. As for the 1st, it was mainly due to my personal issues.

So looking back, while i walk forward. I reflect upon what i have done all these years, perhaps, it was nothing wrong of me to just walk the road forward. Besides, there is more i could have done. Intimacy plays a part in the relationship. But, how to achieve that takes two hands to clap. If one is giving while the other isn’t then there is no way it will work. Both sides have to play their part to make this a ever lasting core. Be it that this relationship can last or not, apart from intimacy, there are also other factors like the love, finances, mindset.

It is easy to say, but to make it happen. Requires skills, knowledge and determination to make things happen. Perhaps, time to move forward in life with alot more awareness of myself, my emotions and how i handle my life.

As for what happens next,its to straight up my past mistakes. For this CNY, its really special to carry the status of singlehood. As i move forward to a progress towards better health and good tidings.

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