reflections: release of emotions

As it seems. the lesson this week is about releaseing emotions…

Earlier in the week on monday the meeting was evolving around handling emotions… Never did i realise that mid week i face so much emotional challenges of my own… perhaps, i had repressed them inside of me too long and its time for some cleansing to be done…

Beginning of the week was where all the good news and signs were coming thru about the business progresses… then when Mid week came, things seems to take a turn for some emotional balancing which i think i was caught off guard… It has been a long while since i had emotional balances issues… the last time i had it was back in Dec 2012…

The moment i saw it coming… it was the time i bought my first bottle of Release essential oil… from Young Living… I never really thought that such coincidences will come into play… Just tonight i applied it twice… once it was after gym as i had a super draining day at work… then subsequently, it seems all hell broke loose after work when i was texting A… not that i had purposely wanted to say to not meet this week… apart from the usual Tuesday we met up… Somehow, everything just suddenly pop up…

The over flow of emotions from within, the feels that i had withhold for such a long time suddenly just came pouring out… I became very emo – without knowing why, i think i was able to hold it down till i had a walk in the park after dinner with Stephen… I’m glad to have him around me sometimes, though i know too well not to emo junk dump at friends…

As it seems, during my sms conversation with A.. He seems a passive person as my instincts tells me. Its probably not that i didn’t want to have anything superficial with him… but somehow, i did not follow my heart…  I think i ran away many times when it comes to matters of the heart and i just sabotage myself many rounds… but know it damn well that sometimes… i just had to slap myself and test myself… but all these tests only shows how insecure a person i am towards human relationships… Its issues that i had to address with my personal life…

Its something that perhaps by being too upfront about may help open up a little… but at the same time, he might just get scared… which i won’t know till he tells me how he feels… sometimes, it takes a long time to even find out an answer… its very passive-active kind of management issues that takes time to be sorted out… somehow i wonder if i shud just say or should i just keep quiet… As it seems, i need to speak out… but if it turns a deaf ear..then maybe it is time to call it off…

I don’t believe in wasting time… i only believe in learning from our mistakes… and moving forward… its too soon to have any conclusion… but i think in the long term i might just need to find yet another replacement… or maybe that’s the test i’ve been given to pass… by passing it means… moving on and staying long…

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